FUCK WHAT I'M THINKING

i am nothing more than the cold and gritty 

mathematical inevitability 

in an ocean of light 

roiling and intersecting in every possible direction

with itself;

I am searching for my place in this.  I long to find my reason.

Reason.  Logic.  Mathematical thinking.

I am unable to find my place in this. 

I am.

I am. That is the only thing I know is true in this moment.

This illusion of self is nothing but the space between, unconscious mixed with sight. with it's reflection, the light of the true self becomes conscious

I have become aware that I am not in control. 

I am not alone in this body.

I am not my thoughts.

I am the one that hears them.

I am the silence between each of their words.

The illusion of I, the Ego, faded. It is but a tool, given false confidence to safeguard in a hemisphere of fear.

 a hemisfear. heh. hummus. 

Autonomous habits acting as if they had a will of their own.

Half a brain for survival; habitual fear, balanced by a hemisphere of loving, creative openness and true consciousness. With awareness, capable of steering and re-configuring the habits.

Together we act as one harmonious system, within the balance

 of the larger system we call the universe, an ocean of light, of heat, mixed with space.  Space pervading because we are temporarily seperated 

from the main body of this ocean,

A tailing solar flare on the higher dimensional source of all light, the one star. As we fly through the void, it permeates our world and fractals of light and empty space divide themselves infinitely, creating our universe within this flaming tail.

The one star, the cosmic bell, source of all light and connected to everything, perpendicular to all three known dimensions. 

In you I see myself.  And he loves me. And the weight is gone.