FUCK WHAT I'M THINKING

How did the arrangement of letters on a keyboard end up as is?

I want to see at least one more primary color before I die.

I can remember anything by associating it with a mental image.

Before dinosaurs ruled the earth, super-sized insects did.

I'd like to play with a computer simulation of the primordial soup and inspect the kinds of creatures that evolve.

Animals follow no laws; all 'crime' is fair play in the natural world and murder is necessary. Happiness is the chemically-induced sensation that remains programmed in DNA through all generations, but only in response to conditions that allowed it to be passed on.

Your parents are you, split in two.

Your face is a collection of other people's features.

The religious concept of 'good and bad' is based on the equal-opposite law of the universe. Everything vibrates, and therefore everything has an opposite counterpart. Day and night, white and black, good and evil. Evil ended up being represented by conditions that humans found to be undesirable.

Dinosaurs ruled the planet for 165,000,000 years without any kind of advanced intelligence. Humans have only been around for a couple hundred thousand years and are already facing possible self-extinction.

A computer that is made of water-based components would be able to mix electrical signals with the unique relationships between chemicals when dissolved into water. This would create the ability to not only perform logical computation, but also allow for chemical manipulation of what is perceived as logical. This is better known as emotion.

I've loved smoking weed for the last three and a half years with all of my friends, collectively blowing tens of thousands of dollars on the stuff. Never has there been an urge to smoke alone, and never have I had any problem with long gaps between smoking. I am confident when I say I am not addicted, but now that is being tested. As much as I still love the feeling of being high, I'm starting to notice how negatively it affects my social life. I've recently made huge strides in overcoming my social anxiety, due in large part to a girl who helped me realize what my issue was. I would spend so much time second-guessing my choice of words that I was constantly in deep, silent thought. I was unaware that I came off looking angry, irritated or uninterested and in my attempt to portray myself as someone this girl would like, I ended up pushing her away and never let her see the kind of person I really am.

Two and a half years later I finally begin making a serious effort to correct my disorder. The project is slow and painstakingly gradual; the basic task of looking a stranger in the eyes is frighteningly difficult. My latest achievement is the ability to stand tall and keep my chin up when i'm in public places without feeling like I'm being judged negatively for being too pompous. With these slow improvements has come an increased ability to relax in previously stressful situations, mainly interacting with someone whose opinion matters to me. Conversation flows more easily than ever, and I'm actually laughing for real sometimes when people make jokes, rather than just laughing to make them like me. Finally, three years later, I found myself talking to the same girl that helped me realize my problem and I was acting like myself.

As this continued, it became increasingly apparent that my social mindset was not improved when I exited sobriety. My social anxiety would return straight to its original state when under the influence of alcohol or weed, which is ironic considering I involved myself in both of these in order to self-medicate the issue. Recently, it has begun to get extremely worse. This girl that I could so openly talk to now was again causing my brain to act like a deer in headlights whenever I would get high or drunk.

The new dilemma is my reliance on sobriety for normal function. People want me to drink and smoke and have fun with them, but when I do it's not fun for me and awkward for those I feel anxiety around. When I want other people to stay sober, well...it's never a thrilling idea. And so I have settled into a new self-medication to act as a middle ground between the conflicting interests: hallucinating. The ultimate escape from reality, bending my mind with the surreal. Something about doing it gives me the greatest confidence that I wish I could have all the time.

I'm attempting to permanently stop smoking weed. Every time I'm offered, I end up rationalizing it by telling myself, "I won't be in any social situations this time." Though many times I'm right, the times that I am wrong hurt me far too much to allow it to continue.

I know what I'm interested in and I know what I'm good at, but somehow I never found one thing I wanted to choose above all else. I am a jack of all trades, though master of none. The only place to go from here is to be a master of all trades.

Being successful is not what is most important to me, but it's absolutely necessary to achieve what is.

My least favorite type of quality in a person is selfishness. I'm probably a hypocrite.

If you go enough time without sleep, you'll start dreaming while you're still awake.

It's impossible to be bad at math; it is nothing more than memorizing steps.

Art is anything and everything.

The difference between noise and music is mathematics.

I am God. So are you. So are your socks.