FUCK WHAT I'M THINKING

I decided to release all the drafts I've been saving.  Everything in the post below this one is from about 2 years ago, when my understanding of the universe was a tad less clear.  I deleted the real name of someone I knew, so it moved it up to a modern post instead of putting it in it's original chronology.

I always had very poor posture from computer use in my pre-teen years. I was ‘exiled’ so to speak from the social crowd (got expelled from high school) and after about 10 years of self reflection I noticed there seemed to be something I was searching for. During a spontaneous LSD trip (which I never done before and had no expectations) I suddenly found that which I had been searching for. My mind was ‘centered’ and I can only describe it as waking up. I had achieved peace of mind, and it was accompanied by great heat throughout my core up to my heart, something akin to heartburn but not painful. Over the last year now since it happened, I have been evolving spiritually in ways I cannot even comprehend, to the point where I have gone from being aware of my unconscious to now being MORE aware through my right brain than left. This heat in my chest has almost forced me to stand up straight for the first time in my life and now that my back muscles are developed enough to do so, it is beginning to move its way up my spine, following the progress of my back muscles and it is now in my throat and neck; a great tingling heat that causes me to go on ‘auto-pilot’ as you said and breathe very deeply and slowly and now crane my neck backwards and yawn for very long periods of time. This seems to be a spontaneous form of meditation, and I am feeling the heat in my throat begin to rise even further towards the top of my spine at the base of my skull and behind my nose and eyes. It is a wonderful experience, yet very tiring on my weak back muscles. My meditation has evolved it seems, as the faint green light I always end up seeing has intensified to a very highly detailed bright green, usually taking the form of vibratory geometrical patterns with great definition in the lines, as though I am looking at the surface of rippling water. Why it is green, I do not know, but it first began with the heat in my chest and now that it is moved up into my throat and towards my third eye it has intensified. I now understand why a lot of people think they are Jesus when they go through this and lose touch with reality. I feel that is their ego realizing that this is the same thing that happened to Jesus and trying to use it to their own advantage. I understand that I am inheriting the Collective Consciousness and I plan on spending my life as a vagrant and healing others.

Mother, is the government pretending to be god

time slows down when consciousness is more aware, which should be agreeable by anyone who has experienced this during a pivotal moment in a sports game or anything that requires higher awareness. less consciousness means time goes faster (sleeping). if energy is the source of consciousness as it obviously must be, then the more complex the energy of the universe gets the more conscious the entire universe must be as a whole and time will slow down. until finally, complexity and consciousness would be infinite and time would stand still as anything and everything that could possibly happen exists at once.

I'm just a 21 year old college student carelessly riding the brink of failure in life simply because I'm way more interested in ontological and cosmological matters than any part of my traditional schooling. Almost everything I know about anything other than D-level secondary school academics is primarily self-taught, which is achieved through imaginative ideas tested by my synaesthetic ability to visualize the true nature of anything before I even understand it, and then reverse engineering what I see to figure out how it works. I have a lifetime schooling GPA of only 1.8 from doing absolutely no schoolwork whatsoever other than tests and exams (which, because I always aced, allowed me to pass every class with minimum grades). Though I never even failed a single class, I always slept in class, never took notes and always used my own creative approach rather than the traditional method being taught to my peers. I was once believed to be a 'special' student needing both academic and psychological help, but was just re-diagnosed with ADHD when I scored a 149 IQ during psychological testing. I also scored in the top 20% of my class with a 1270 on SATs despite falling asleep for the majority of the reading section (which created the social belief that I was some kind of retard savant). The point I'm making is that I fully admit my own lack of book-smarts (which I've noticed is obtainable by even the biggest idiots), but proudly boast my birth-given ability to truly understand the nature of anything and everything in the universe without having to justify my beliefs with symbolic explanations. What I understand is irrefutable, because it is based on mental/visual experience rather than linear-minded comprehension. The results of my lifetime experiment with my own intuition are proof enough to me, and I do not have to find a way to justify why you should believe me; I do not care whether you believe me or not, because belief exists only in the context of possible doubt. I do not have to believe; I know.

people undergo development of the ego, or personality, in their youth. during this time they are molded by key events that trigger chemicals in the brain and store them as vivid memories. as people age out of their youth, these events no longer occur and the brain's ego is at a standstill. people become stuck in the tastes of their youth, for the rest of their lives, reflecting and reliving on the past. this is because the ego is equivalent to a mask we hold in front of our faces. we know what we want to be, and we mold that mask look the way we want. but this is the two sides to us, the part of us that acts like what we want to be (the part that turns pure thoughts into english) and the part of us that KNOWS what we want to be, and the ego feeds off of this like a parasite, striving to be like it. this is the source of all religion. god vs the devil. the devil is a fallen angel that tried to be like god; the devil is your ego. i mean that just as a metaphor, not in the belief of a real devil. it is the dualism created by having two waking brain states that are interacting with each other and therefor aware of each other, and collectively aware of their 'self', which is the 'self' that we are.